House Party (May 11, 2020) - Promos

GiGi❤️
''GiGi sits on her freshly made bed, painting her nails in front of a large, most likely expensive camera on a tripod. Hundreds of fans were flocking to her stream tonight, misleadingly titled “GiGi Sleepover Series!! [GGVlog] GONE WRONG??? ”''

GiGi: And that, my friends, is how you properly handle the marbling technique. Maybe, now that I’ve done this video, all of my friends will know how to properly handle their nail care.

''These extra weekly streams had become a steady, passive income as of late. With QWF down the hole, it was exactly something she had needed. Not to mention getting to de-stress before her next appearance with her new federation.''

GiGi: And now, we’ll be doing our skin care routine!

''The camera shuffles as she maneuvers it with the tripod over to her vanity, where makeup palettes have been laid out. She tightens the belt holding her robe and lifts up a brush.''

GiGi: First, we’ll be applying a nice, even foundation. You see, foundation can make or break your routine. Without it, anything you try to convey comes across as washed out and bland. Whether you’re just grabbing a snack, or not drinking vodka on the couch there’s no need to slack off. After all, execution is impossible without a good foundation.

GiGi: Next we will be adding some contouring and highlights! With this, you’ll be wanting to highlight your best features, such as my fantastic cheekbones. And your contouring should be able to give you shadows that will serve to hide all of your internal doubts about what you do for a living.

''She pauses for a minute, glancing at the chat box that just seems to scroll faster and faster. It would be mesmerizing if every other comment didn’t involve an eggplant emoji.''

GiGi: Now, these next steps are not critical, but serve as a special shout out to two girls who I’ll be meeting with in my next match! I haven’t met them yet, but I’m sure we’ll have lots of fun just like we’re having here tonight. As a little gift I’ve come up with some special tips just for them.

GiGi: Slash, I have picked out some amazing eye-shadow for you here…

GiGi picks up a palette full of dark charcoal greys and sparkly silvers.

GiGi: You see, when you’re laying there on the mat after being pinned by yours truly, you really want a colour that will smear well with your hard earned sweat and tears. For one, it will help the audience feel a bit sorrier for you out there after what they watch me put you through. And secondly, it even matches your bat! And for you… Kit? Kat? No, no, that was the other one…

GiGi, beaming: Oh, that’s right, Kait! For you, I’ve found the perfect shade of bright red lipstick. We all know how amazing smeared lipstick can look, and I can only imagine how well it will look on the bottom of my shoes when I’m done stomping you.

The chat begins to fire up.

'''fireball12: hahHAHAHAHA GOTTEM GIGI! LiberalTrucker: tearing them apart before you even get into the ring! HScott: hello. JMH1776: holy shit does this mean JMH1776: feet pics unlocked?? 23TheGOAT: we just levelled up this chat fellas Hunter2: feet pics feet pics feet pics feet pics lolololol MiamiFootMan: OwO ?'''

GiGi, fake yawning: Well, that’s it for tonight guys! Thanks for coming out to my sleepover! Remember, with every new subscriber I’ll be doing one of these - and don’t worry, I have tips for everyone in our new e-federation!

Kaitlyn Casey Jones
Kaitlyn is laying across a sofa with her phone in hand

Kaitlyn: Right who's getting the rub this week?

She takes a moment to read the card

Kaitlyn: Oh...sweet. Okay lets check them out..

Her eyes widen just a little, she stops and takes a sip of her carton of orange juice with a paper label taped on saying "NOT VODKA" and, of course, we all believe her

Kaitlyn: Well damn boys...we be simpin'

Oona Slash
[Oona Slash appears on camera walking through a deserted park carrying her bat and chewing gum]

Wow, a three-way match for my debut? I should be so lucky everywhere I go. Two opponents! Two people I get to prove I'm a better athlete than. Nice.

Here's the thing. I haven't been wrestling a long time, but I've played a lotta baseball. And there are a lot of transferable skills. Arm strength. Foot speed. And the lost art of the pickoff. You can't sneak one past me, either of you, and I think both of you have reasons to.

Kaitlyn Casey Jones... yeah, I've definitely heard of you. You're already a legend in the company that just hired me, you've made your mark and maybe you wanna rack up more legacy points. I guess you're what they call a "wily veteran" right? The kinda person who exploits all their possible chances and never lets a mistake slide in the ring? Yeah I can respect all that, but veteran means another thing. Beat to hell. I know you can still fight, but woman to woman, please come go toe to toe with me. I'll show any veteran about why they should respect the rookies.

And... Gigi... huh. I guess you're new too. Interesting side gig you have there. I see you have "devoted" fans. And I'm not too keen on running into the crowds of em you no doubt have following you. There's not a lot of people I wouldn't throw down with but only in a fair fight. Discretion's the better part of valour right? I'm matched up with you, not a whole mad fanbase. You should keep your lads in line. If not, I'll have to.

[She holds up her bat and grins and walks off.]

Andrew Garcia
Doctor Ishmael Yellowstone is many thing. For one he's a fake doctor, shocking as that may be. A valor stealing goon, no different than a fake dentist or firefighter. But, because of current circumstances, I find what DIY is to be even more disgusting. Not only is he a fake doctor, but a fake doctor in a time where real doctor are making the ultimate sacrifice every waking moment. Fighting an invisible menace, that harm and end the lives of millions of people across the world.

For one, he seems to be a fake wrestler. Or fake fake wrestler, if you want to go one step beyond. I, in my near 15 years of working in the independent circuit, along with a short 2 year run as a road manager, have never seen anything resembling a SAMURAI from Florida. Sure there's Ring Warriors from Ft. Lauderdale, and there have been samurais in wrestling. But the two have never really connected.

To make things worse, his finisher is a full nelson bomb. I would like to use this portion to talk about all the times a full nelson bomb has beaten anybody:

...

...

...

Moving on.

Now, a lot of what I've just said could be used against the opponents of the people/person I'm facing at BoBo Brazil's Wax & Jujitsu Bonanza. Or whatever we will call it in due time. Josh Pine sounds like the name of a d-beat frontman who finally cut out the middleman and started fighting his fans. And Saskuto! fucking sucks. But, regardless of that, at the end of the day, I will be fighting this heap of fraudulence for exactly 3:15 and will return to my regular pasttime.

Drinking water and putting marks into fake headlocks for photos.

Santiago Martínez
''Santiago Martínez has just arrived to his hotel in Canada, and almost immediately he logged on to Twitch and started doing his thing. His streaming equipment is scattered all over the place, but it doesn't matter, it's live.''

Martínez: What's up everyone, it's ya boy, CoolSkorpion84, now from somewhere in Canada, I guess! The show's next week, but I flew here well ahead of time so I can make sure that no malarkey will happen. But this is not a great scenario, Chat, if I do say so myself. At least content-wise. I can't do IRL stuff 'cause I can't go out, I can't go out because it's fuckin' Canada, and I can't play any games or anything to that effect without my set-up, so I'm Just Chatting right now.

''Sparky takes a seat on the desk, opens his backpack and grabs a large can of some sort of gamer juice and starts drinking from it. He's wearing a jersey similar to the one he wore on House Party, but this time he's wearing his headphones.''

Martínez: Oh, and in case it wasn't obvious, I have to prepare for a match that I came up with, but it got out of my hands last week! That's what I meant last week, you give them the slightest chance to get away with it, and by God, those conniving little beavers will take it.

He shrugs and takes a sip.

Martínez: But hey, what can you do? I need to come up with better schemes, man. It was really interesting how it all went down, tbh. What Paisner told me was that originally a lot of people were interested in participating in the Challenge, but that as soon as they realized there was a 33 and a third percents chance of having to face Dragon, a ton dipped, and the remaining guys were the ones who were dumb enough or desperate enough to get a chance, and either way, that's kinda messed up. You need to see what I mean...

He picks up his phone scrolls for a few seconds and then shows Twitch Chat the true face of human suffering.

Martínez: Yeah, I know. I don't have anything against these cats, by the way, they want to make it and that's :+1:. I'm not their enemy, they're just challengers I must overcome, like everyone else. But of I'm being honest?... Josh Pine looks like the type of kid whose parents say: "He's made terrible life choices but we love him anyways". He seems gullible enough to put mayo on his hair because he heard it was "repairing". He looks like a Tier 3 sub. You know what I'm trying to say?

Santiago chuckles, grabs his can and does the Dew once again.

Martínez: He's not necessarily a threatening dude or anything. Just like Doctor Ishmael and Saskuto, Josh is determined to succeed and wants what everyone else wants here: to get that guap, and that's fine. They'll try their best, and I'll try to post the fastest time in the Challenge, then I'll pick the rules for the championship match and then I'll kick Dragon's ass to get that W, EZ Clap. And if to get there I have to put a dent on Josh Pine's dome, you're damn right I'll do it.

A smile, equal parts friendly and haughty, is seen on his face.

Martínez: Because despite all of what I've said about him, the real story here doesn't involve him, or Saskuto!, or even the good Doctor. Dragon's been a thorn in my side ever since I got here, but now is the time to take it out and get rid of it. He might have remained quiet for the last couple of weeks, but I know what's on his mind right now, he knows what he's done to me, and he knows I'll make him pay for it. And Joey McCarty might try again to scoot his way to the title, but he failed to do so two weeks ago, and this Monday, I'll make sure he won't even get a chance. So, to finish this segment with some of that "Canadian spirit" you love, here's a lil' preemptive apology to Josh: I'm sorry, buddy, you're just standing in my way. Now if you excuse me, folks I'll try to set something up to make this a little less scuffed! Now, I need to make some very important phone calls...

Santiago logs off and goes back to his phone.

Joey McCarty
Joey McCarty is sitting in front of a TV with a notepad, we cannot see the screen but we can hear the sounds of grappling

McCarty: mhm.. Interesting.

Joey jots down some more notes

Miles Alpha walks in and sits in a chair next to McCarty

McCarty: I think there’s an opening there, I might be able to deploy a BDU there and get him very rocked, its a slim window, but if I capture it I think that’s the way to end it early, and that’s the most important thing. Right Miles?

Alpha: Joey why the fuck are you watching anime.

The camera cuts to behind the two cardinals and McCarty is just watching a fight scene from Naruto

McCarty: It’s the closest thing to game tape I could find on this guy.

Camera returns to in front of the two

McCarty: And besides, This is a really important match, I gotta go full out 100% of the time in this, I can’t just pick my spots. Santiago and Andrew are very good, and I gotta beat both of them here. I can def do it it’s just hard

Alpha: Well-

McCarty: I know, I should just focus on my own match, and that’s what I’m doing. I just gotta dispatch this kid as fast as I can, and that’s why I gotta look for any advantage I can here.

Alpha: But-

McCarty: Yeah I know if I win I still have to beat Martinez and Garcia, but I’ve thought ahead and I know how to get an advantage on them. You’ll just have to wait and find out.

Alpha: JOEY I JUST CAME IN HERE TO TELL YOU OUR PAPA JOHN’S ORDER IS HERE AND DALIDUS IS WITH IT

McCarty: OH FUCK I AM NOT LETTING THAT GREASY FUCK STEAL ALL THE WINGS AGAIN

Joey and Miles scamper off to receive the saucefather’s blessing.