House Party (May 4, 2020) - Full Show

Charlie Krieger Promo
Crowd: WIR! WIR! WIR! WIR!

Paisner: Hello everybody, welcome to House Party, emanating tonight from the Taste at the Tannery, Kitchener, Ontario! We’re as excited as you are!

Woodbridge: Especially since this venue is a restaurant-bar!

Paisner: We’ve got plenty of action tonight, including a QWF championship match, a five-way elimination LIGHTSABER FIGHTSABER match, and - huh?

Paisner is cut off - “Dangerous” starts playing throughout the arena, throwing the crowd into anticipation. The camera scans the arena for a bit, before cutting to backstage, hastily trailing behind Charlie Krieger, flanked by two masked men in tracksuits.

Woodbridge: Well, it seems that one of WiR’s most wanted has arrived.

The camera cuts back to the arena, with the crowd now in a frenzy. As the drums start kicking in, Charlie Krieger and his goons pop through the curtains.

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Krieger gives a slight smirk as he is pelted with trash, before making his way to the ring, followed by the goons.

Paisner: Charlie Krieger, one of the men accountable for attacking and subsequently injuring Brendan Byrne, a man thought to be his close friend!

Woodbridge: Krieger has made his name upon mad villainy, but he has never been the type to betray those close to him.

Krieger and his thugs climb into the ring, before Krieger goes to grab a mic.

Paisner: I’ve even been hearing rumors backstage that Krieger may have been the one to set the bounty on Brendan Byrne!

Krieger: Okay, okay, before you guys ask; yes, I absolutely set the bounty.

Woodbridge: Well shit, that clearsthat up, Pais.

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Krieger gives another grin, before going to speak again.

Krieger: And before you ask the OTHER big question, let me just deliver my spiel, okay?

Krieger cups his ear at the crowd, who respond by screaming obscenities at him.

Krieger: Haha, alright, glad to hear! Anyways, I just want to apologize to Brendan. It was an absolute mistake to set that bounty. Someone get me a chair!

A ring crew member quickly runs in with a chair, handing it to Krieger. Krieger sets the chair down, before seating himself backwards, face to the hard cam.

Krieger: Brendan. Brendan, even if you are watching from the hospital, with your shitty little neck brace, I want you to know that I am deeply sorry.

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!/YAYY?!

Krieger: I should never have sent all those bitch-ass Karate dudes at you, or those bitch-ass hockey players, or that other dude with his bitch-ass stone head. I should’ve known you were better than that. And honestly, I should’ve just broken your neck myself.

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Woodbridge: I hate this fuckin’ guy.

Krieger: But I gotta be honest, Brenny, for your best interest, and my personal biases, I want to savor the day I get to tear you down. Lucky for me, the true ace of WiR has the Wildcard on speed-dial, and he was more than willing to help shoot down a false idol.

Krieger stands up from his chair, still staring down the hard cam.

Krieger: Idol. I idolized you, Brendan. You were one of my closest friends, one of my inspirations in this industry, but sometimes, friends separate. I know it very well, and I just decided to get the jump on it. I know that if I were the one defending my World title, it would be you stabbing me in the back! Your trust has been misplaced, Brendan, cause you couldn’t just open your eyes and see the writing on the wall.

Krieger looks down, almost disappointed, before sighing and looking up.

Krieger: I’ve torn you down, Byrne. I let you down. And I am so glad I did it.

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Krieger smiles, before turning to his two masked goons, standing behind him.

Krieger: Oh, yeah. So, McCarty also got concussed recently, and I’d love for y’all to meet the men who helped me out.

Both men unmask themselves, as Krieger presents them to the crowd.

Krieger: King Mustafa and Eddie Skelter, Two Smoking Barrels: the most dangerous European exports in pro wrestling!

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! YOU ALL SUCK! YOU ALL SUCK!

Krieger: These guys are absolute units, both alone and together, so whether you’re Joey McCarty, the Stargazers, or the fuckin Coffee Boyz, you better protect your neck because anyone backstage can join Brendan!

Krieger looks to the stage.

Krieger: With this absolute unit of a tag team, with the true Ace on our side, and many more to come, you are looking at the greatest collective of all time. Kyle Scott can run along and be the Marxist World Champ that I always knew he could be, and you can all act like everything is fine, but do not be rendered ignorant through blindness. In fact, you could end up rendered handicapped through it instead.

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Krieger stays staring at the stage, silently for a moment.

Krieger: I’m waiting for you, Brendan. I don’t believe those doctors. You’re a hero, right? Come out and smite me, false hero! C’mon! You’re supposed to be the iron-man, come out and kick me in the fucking face, you fuck!

Suddenly, “Death to the Hypocrite" starts playing, as Alex Perilmorde enters the arena, sporting a Judo gi and a look of anger.

Crowd: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

Paisner: Alex Perilmorde, clearly here with intention!

Woodbridge: He’s been having confrontations backstage with those involved in Byrne’s title defense, and I think he’s here to settle the score with Krieger!

Krieger makes Skelter and Mustafa stay back, as he stands staring at a fuming Perilmorde, who is fast approaching the ring.

Krieger: Listen, sensei, I’m glad that you’re here but I didn’t ask for yo-AUGH!

Krieger is interrupted by a swift elbow strike from Perilmorde!

Crowd: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

Perilmorde instantly starts beating Krieger into the ground with strikes, with Krieger blocking as best he can but not holding up, as Mustafa and Skelter struggle to separate the two.

Paisner: PERILMORDE! PERILMORDE IS BEATING THE HELL OUT OF KRIEGER!

Woodbridge: And Krieger’s thugs are barely managing to get Perilmorde off!

King Mustafa suddenly pulls Perilmorde off of Krieger and throws him into the corner!

Crowd: BOOOOOO!

Mustafa runs at Perilmorde, hitting a GIANT shoulder block on the smaller man before laying in with punches, but Perilmorde gets his hands up and comes back with palm strike after palm strike, managing to shotei his way out of the corner! Skelter, for his part, jumps up on Perilmorde’s back and starts putting in elbow strikes - Perilmorde has the presence of mind to swing him around and drop him with a big belly-to-back suplex! Now everyone but Perilmorde is down, with Krieger recovering!

Paisner: Alex Perilmorde stands tall!

Crowd: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Perilmorde: Get up, Charlie Krieger! Come on! We need to talk!

Krieger staggers up as the Brit thugs try to figure out where they are.

Krieger: I DIDN’T ASK FOR YOU!

Krieger rushes at Perilmorde with a big boot, but Perilmorde sidesteps it! Krieger turns around to eat another elbow to the face from Perilmorde!

Crowd: OOOOH!

Krieger stands stunned, as Perilmorde winds back for another elbow. Perilmorde moves in, only to receive a spinning backhand from Krieger!

Crowd: OOOOOOHHH!!

Perilmorde reels back a little bit, before smiling at Krieger.

Woodbridge: Krieger responding to Perilmorde in his own way!

Krieger and Perilmorde lock eyes, before Perilmorde fires another elbow!

Crowd: OOHH!

Krieger fires back with a chop!

Crowd: OHHH!

Perilmorde fires a chop back, before delivering yet another elbow strike!

Crowd: OHHHHHH!

Krieger delivers an elbow strike of his own!

Crowd: OHHHHHHHHH!

Perilmorde stands back a little bit, before quickly gunning in with a straight palm strike to the face!

Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Paisner: Lord almighty!

Krieger staggers back before tumbling over the ropes, as Perilmorde roars to the crowd!

Crowd: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

Woodbridge: WATCH OUT!

Suddenly, King Mustafa slides back into the ring, before popping up and hitting Perilmorde with a swift uranage!

Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHH!/BOOOOOOOOOO!

Woodbridge: Mustafa just spiked Perilmorde!

Skelter slides back into the ring, before he and Mustafa stomping on the downed Perilmorde.

Paisner: And now they’re attacking Perilmorde like they attacked McCarty!

Woodbridge: We might need some help out here in the arena!

Suddenly, Krieger rises from above the apron, face busted open above his brow. He slides into the ring, before telling the two to stop attacking. They comply.

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Paisner: And a bloody Krieger stands over one of his most vicious rivals!

Krieger looks down at Perilmorde. He taps on Mustafa’s shoulder, gesturing the two men to leave. Skelter and Mustafa quickly exit the ring, as Krieger squats down, locking eyes with Perilmorde, who is now seated in the corner. Perilmorde stares back, smiling.

Woodbridge: Master and apprentice, perhaps starting back at square one!

Paisner: And if you remember how their history starts, we may be in for an absolute war!

Krieger nods at Perilmorde, before rolling out of the ring to the company of Skelter and Mustafa. Perilmorde pulls himself to his feet, staring at Krieger with intent.

Buster Braggadocio Outside the Building
We then cut to the entrance of the Tannery building, and a small crowd has formed around a curious character in all black, a loudspeaker in his hand and a massive sign taller than him. It is, of course, Buster Braggadocio, who is very loudly preaching his gospel to anyone who will listen.

Buster: LISTEN UP, YOU SHITS-WITH-EARS! I, Buster Braggadocio, am a Black Messiah of the Utmost Regality, so it will behoove you to SHUT your STUPID mouths and listen!

The crowd of mostly white young men around him are booing him and trash talking him, and he is separated by just mere feet from them.

Buster: Here’s what you eggwhite fucks need to understand. You will NEVER have black skin. You will NEVER have this exquisite shade, this rich pitch-Blackness, you are WHITE and you should be ASHAMED of it!

Kid in the Crowd: Why should I be ashamed of the color of my skin?

Buster reacts with a malicious cackle as he stares down the kid in his eyes.

Buster: Why should you be ashamed? WHY should YOU be ashamed?!? Let me give you crackas a little history lesson. A-HE-HEM.

Buster whips out a printed drawing of a black man with an unbelievably massive head, which incites laughter in the crowd.

Buster: QUIET. This right here is Yakub, the creator of you miserable white garbage bags. 6000 long years ago, the genius scientist retreated to the island of Patmos -

Kid in the Crowd: WHY HIS FOREHEAD LOOK LIKE THAT?

Buster points the megaphone right in the kids face and yells SHUT UP as the kid recoils back and clutches at his ears.

Buster: As I was saying, Yakub created the white race by taking his 59,999 black followers, a portion of the All-Black Original Peoples who first populated the Earth, to the island of Patmos to selectively breed the lightest of the Black race until the pastiest, whitest devils imaginable were created after 600 years. The blackest babies were murdered, meaning the whiter the baby born by this process, the more blood was on their doughy hands. And those of you who stand before me are the blood derived from that stone, the byproduct of the slaughter, descendants of the white devils who came from the island of Patmos and were banished to the caves of Europe surviving off raw meat, declared war on by Moses who dwindled their numbers with Dynamite, until they overcame and conquered the Black race and terrorized the world for millennia upon millennia!!!!!

The surrounding crowd is yelling, hooting and hollering, a mix of amused laughter, stunned chatter and jeering and booing.

Crowd: BUULL-SHIT! BULLL-SHIT!

The crowd continues the chants as a low-key figure makes his way through the crowd wordless, until he makes it into the space between them and Buster. They hold up a shiny title belt to the sky and the entire crowd instantly hushes and then begins to get hype as they realize who has made it to the venue.

Crowd: KY-LE SCOTT! KY-LE SCOTT! KY-LE SCOTT!!

Kyle stands in front of Buster, lowering the belt and basking in the chants.

Buster: Would you marks shut the fuck up? What the hell do you want, Pillsbury Dough Boy?

Kyle: Well, first off, you’re in the way of the entrance.

Buster: And? White boy never heard of a protest? Or do White folks just think that's when you make a post on Twitter in between sips of La Croix?

Kyle chuckles as the crowd vigorously boos Buster, but Kyle puts up a hand and the crowd silences.

Kyle: I promise, I know a thing or two about protests. But more importantly, I had a question.

Buster: Oh, I already know - Yes, you can lick the bottom of my boot, but you have to wipe it off with your shirt when you’re done.

Kyle ignores the offer and continues.

Kyle: When Yakub selectively bred the white race, did he also create Yellow, Red, and Brown people?

Buster looks taken aback by the question, but more so the fact that it seemed sincere.

Buster: Well, as a matter fact, Yakub, in the process of creating the White Race, accidentally created all the other races in the world, and they populated the Earth from then on. Good question! Uh. You cracka.

Kyle: Neat.

Kyle walks towards the entrance and Buster steps aside as Kyle disappears into the venue doors, and Buster turns around and raises the megaphone back to his mouth.

Buster: Now who wants to learn about the Tribe of Shabazz?

D&B vs. Generation Mex
We then cut back to the ring, where Javier Babaganoush stands at the ready to announce the next matchup.

Javier: The following Tag Team contest is scheduled for one fall -

Crowd: ONE FALL!

Javier: - with a 30 minute time limit! Your referee is Harry Undersach!

Black Skinhead begins to play throughout the Taste at the Tannery as Rey Crótalo and Mil Léones Jr. enter and garner boos from the crowd, as the two reciprocate and flip off crowd members, mouthing off and accusing them of hating mexicans as they make their way to the ring.

Javier: From Monterrey, Nueva Leon, Mexico, weighing a combined 370 pounds, Rey Crótalo and Mil Leónes are: Generaaationnn Mexxxx!!!!!

The crowd gives another wave of boos as the two luchadors hop onto the apron and jump over the top rope, flaunting their athleticism and now cursing out crowd members in Spanish. They are cut off however by the theme music of Mark Dutch and Louis Blackwater, who receive a much more mixed reaction as Blackwater comes storming into the building, donning a pimp outfit with a cane and a hat with a feather as he screams that D&B have arrived. Behind him, Dutch enters the arena in a superhero costume, cape trailing behind him as he gets a louder reaction for his outlandish costume.

Woodbridge: What in the frozen hell?

Paisner: Looks like they’re taking their newfound hero roles pretty seriously. Last week on House Party, Dutch and Blackwater happened to stop an escaped convict, and, well. This is how it went to their heads apparently.

Woodbridge: Hey, I’m all for it. Hell, let’s see what happens, maybe Dutch will have laser vision. Or fly or something.

Javier: Weighing in at a combined 437 pounds, from The Catskills, and Groningen, The Netherlands respectively, Louis Blackwater and Maarrk Duttchh!!!!!

Dutch flashes a superhero pose, putting his fists to his sides as he looks heroically into the distance. Blackwater rolls under the ring and chases Mil onto the apron with his pimp cane as Rey backs into the corner, but before Blackwater takes any swings, Harry Undersach takes the cane from him and reprimands him. The crowd, wanting to see Generation Mex get walloped, begin to boo as Blackwater’s pimp cane is handed to Javier at ringside.

Crowd: CANE MIL! CANE MIL! CANE MIL!

Blackwater flashes a deranged grin as Dutch reaches the apron and grabs Louis by the shoulder, bringing him in for a pre-match pep talk.

Dutch: Come on, man, we talked about this, we can’t cane people anymore!

Blackwater: I wasn’t gonna hit him… that hard…

Undersach asks if the duo is ready and Blackwater makes his intentions to be in the ring clear as Dutch exits to the apron and Harry Undersach calls for the bell.

DING DING DING

Crótalo circles the ring and Blackwater has an intense sight set on Crótalo, who looks hesitant to engage in the first move against the erratic Blackwater. Blackwater lunges towards Rey, who instantly dives under the ropes and exits the ring to a smattering of boos from the crowd.

Crowd: Puu-ssy! Puu-ssy!

Crótalo tells the crowd to callate as Blackwater yells at him to ‘get in this fucking ring right now’, but as his attention is aimed at Rey, Mil Leónes blindsides him with a springboard dropkick to the head!

Paisner: HARD hit from Mil Leónes Jr! Sneaky but effective tactic by Generation Mex, as Mil is now the legal man and the first hit of the match lands.

Blackwater gets up but Mil keeps up the momentum up with kicks to the side of Blackwaters ribs, backing him into a corner as Mil keeps the flurry coming, forcing Harry Undersach to a count of 4 before Mil backs up at the refs insistence. Mil then immediately goes back in for more kicks in the corner, which prompts the ref to pull him back and reprimand him. But while his back is turned, Rey hops on the apron behind Blackwater and gets a handful of eye!

Crowd: BOOOO!!

Rey drops down as Mil has gotten the ref off his back and pulls Blackwater back into the middle of the ring as Rey sneaks back into his corner while Dutch is yelling at the ref for the missed interference. Mil grabs Blackwater’s arm and whips him into the Gen Mex corner, and he tags in Crótalo as Mil holds Blackwater in place with a full nelson and Crótalo hits a step up enziguri!

Paisner: Generation Mex controlling the matchup thus far, but not without a bit of foul play involved.

Woodbridge: They’re bad hombres, Pais. They’re building a wall dividing their side of the ring and Dutch’s side, and Louis Blackwater’s payin for it!

Paisner: A few years late but good effort.

Crótalo lifts Blackwater to his knees, and yells in Spanish to the crowd, who boos despite not knowing what he’s saying just cause they know he is talking mad shit from the tone of his voice. Rey slams a knee into the back of Blackwater, and then another, and Louis is hurting, as he attempts to get to his feet but is hit with yet another knee as Rey pushes him down to the mat and pins him.

1!

2- Kickout!

Blackwater manages to push Rey away and tries to crawl towards Dutch in the corner, who is dying to get in the ring, but Rey is faster and sprints to Blackwater, grabbing his leg and pulling him into the middle of the ring, stomping him down yet again! Blackwater, however, catches one of the kicks and takes down Crótalo with a drop toe hold! Blackwater then gets to his feet and runs straight towards Mil Leónes, knocking him off the apron with a blow to the head! Blackwater screams at Mil to ‘suck a cock-dick’, but he turns around and is met with a hurricanrana from Crótalo that slams him to the mat! Crótalo doesn’t let up, instantly hitting a standing moonsault and hooks the leg!

1!

2- NO Blackwater kicks out!

Crótalo gets up to his corner and tries to quickly tag Mil in, but he isn’t there on the apron but instead laid out on the outside. Crótalo turns back around and is met with the SMACK of a running uppercut from Blackwater!

Crowd: OOHHH!

Woodbridge: NASTY UPPERCUT!

Blackwater has Crótalo in the corner opposite of Dutch, and so he attempts to irish whip Crótalo, but Rey reverses the momentum to sling Blackwater, but then doesn’t let go, pulling Blackwater back and trying for another Hurricanrana! But Blackwater holds on tight to Rey, pulling him up in a powerbomb position! But Rey launches shots at Blackwaters temple, and is able to wrangle free onto his feet behind Blackwater! He begins running, bouncing off the rope as Blackwater swings with a clothesline but misses. Rey ducked it and now runs toward the ropes but Blackwater is right behind him and clotheslines him over the top rope and onto the floor outside! Blackwater roars as the crowd cheers for him but it doesn’t last long as Mil Leónes jumps over the top rope and goes for a flipping lariat! But Blackwater ducks it just in the nick of time and kicks Mil in the gut, putting his head in between his legs as he lifts Mil up into a piledriver!

Crowd: OHHH!!!

Blackwater tries to follow through and bring Mil to his feet but Mil slides under the ropes again. This time, however, Blackwater anticipates Rey coming off the top rope this time and dodges a clothesline! Rey keeps his momentum and bounces off the ropes and the two collide with a double clothesline that sends them both to the mat! The crowd is getting loud as Dutch is screaming for his partner to hurry and get up while the two are down. Rey is out of it and Blackwater is crawling towards his corner as Dutch is stomping the apron getting the crowd hyped! Rey begins to stir and notices Blackwater is too close to Dutch to stop him so he tries to turn around and tag Mil, but Mil is still on the ground outside!

Woodbridge: Generation Mex had D&B on the ropes by taking advantage of the lucha tag rules, but they went to the well one too many times as Dutch is about to be red hot!

Dutch leans over the top rope to reach for Blackwaters tag, extending his 6’5 frame and he smacks Blackwater’s hand!

Crowd: YEAA!!

Dutch, still in cape and costume, reaches to grab Rey Crótalo, but Rey rolls out of the ring next to Mil on the outside. Dutch looks out at them then makes the decision to begin running the opposite rope, bouncing off, running and taking off over the top rope with and arm extended like Superman as he takes flight and knocks over both Mil and Rey!!

Crowd: WOOO!!!! SU-PER-DUTCH! SU-PER DUTCH!

Paisner: Suicide dive from Mark Dutch, and all three men are down!

Woodbridge: You mean Super-Dutch, Pais. He’s a hero!

Dutch gets up to his feet and yells to get the crowd pumped. He looks ecstatic to garner the crowds goodwill, and cups his hands out towards the crowd as he tries to start a chant.

Dutch: U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

Paisner: Does… does he not know we’re in Canada?

A few boos ring out along with a few cheers from Americans in the crowd but most are dumbfounded at the mistaken Dutchman as he begins to put it together and tries one more time.

Dutch: CAN-A-DA! CAN-A-DA!

The crowd gives a pity cheer as Dutch smiles and brings Rey to his feet and slings him back in the ring. Dutch gets in the ring and picks Crótalo up to his feet, then slings him to the ropes. Crótalo bounces off and comes at Dutch fast, but Dutch leapfrogs Rey! He then slides on his stomach as Rey hops over Dutch, gaining momentum, but as Rey comes back off the ropes Dutch halts it with a Superman Punch! Crótalo is down!

Paisner: Really hamming it up with the superhero shit here, but if it works, it works!

Woodbridge: Hey, if it takes a mask and some roleplay to get you going, go for it. It’s not the weirdest shit I’ve seen in that ring..

Crótalo has retreated to a vacant corner and Dutch doesn’t let up the pressure as he launches uppercut after uppercut after uppercut into Reys chin! Dutch backs up to the opposite corner, then comes charging at Rey but Rey rolls out the way and Dutch recoils off the turnbuckle. Rey then grabs Dutch’s head as if going for a snapmare but stays standing and runs up the first, second, third turnbuckle maintaining the hold before jumping over Dutch while driving him into the mat!

Paisner: SNAKE PIT! Rey nailed him and goes for the cover!

1!

2- No!

Dutch kicked out and Rey wastes no time dragging him into the corner of Gen Mex when he notices Mil has returned to the apron. Rey tags in Mil and they position Dutch on his back, and Rey hits a moonsault from the second rope, immediately followed by a corkscrew 450 splash from the springboard by Mil Leónes Jr!!!

Crowd: OHHHH!!!

But Mil came down hard and recoils off Dutch, and Mark miraculously finds a way to roll out of the ring as Mil and Crótalo yells at Mil to get up! Suddenly, Blackwater lunges out of nowhere and clotheslines Crótalo off the apron onto the outside, landing on his back with a thud!

Woodbridge: BLACKWATER! HE’S THE LEGAL MAN NOW!!

The crowd goes crazy as Blackwater picks up Mil off the ground and picks up Mil on his shoulders! He then drops him down in a Death Valley Driver!

Crowd: YEAAA!!!

Blackwater goes for the pin!

1!

2!

3- NO! Kickout!

Louis Blackwater is in disbelief as Mil is still mostly limp from the residual 450 recoil and the DVD. Blackwater looks over at Rey still taken out on the outside, and Dutch who is on the other side of the ring. Mil is stirring and Blackwater decides to attempt to get him to his feet but Mil sneaks in a small package pin on Louis!

1!

2!

KICKOUT!

Both men now adrenaline filled immediately get to their feet, and Mil goes for a superkick but Blackwater dodges, gets behind Mil and pushes him into the opposite corner but takes out the referee Harry Undersach in the process!

Woodbridge: REF DOWN! HARRY UNDERSACH HAS BEEN FLATTENED!

Dutch has now gotten up on the outside and sees what is going on on the inside. A lightbulb or a turning gear or something has went off in his mind and it is visible on his face as he bends down and begins looking under the ring!

Paisner: Oh no, flashes of his darker days must have ran through Dutch’s mind!

Dutch emerges from under the ring with a steel chair and slides into the ring with it in hand!

Crowd: NO DUTCH NO! NO DUTCH NO!

Woodbridge: The crowd BEGGING Dutch not to go through with the dastardly deed! He seems deadset!

Blackwater looks at Dutch entering the ring with the chair and a dastardly grin emerges over his face and Mil begins to get up to his feet from the collision. Mil is groggy, and Dutch, with chair in hand, swings it - But he hits the ground instead, loudly making a chairshot sound as he then falls to the ground and feigns a head injury!

Crowd: OOOOHH!!! YES! YES! YES!

Woodbridge: DUTCH GOING FOR THE CLASSIC FAKE OUT! EVIDENCE PLANTED! MIL’S TO HIS FEET NOW!

Blackwater walks over and picks up the chair, looking confused as all hell.

Blackwater, yelling: How did you miss? THIS is how you hit a chairshot!

Blackwater cocks it back and YAMS a chairshot straight to the chest of Leónes!!

Crowd: OOHHHHH!!!! NO! NO! NO!

Blackwater: WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT FROM ME?!?1

Dutch and Mil now both writhe on the floor as Blackwater throws the chair out of the ring and pins Mil as Undersach begins to stir as well! Dutch looks up and sees that it did not go according to plan, but he also notices Rey attempting to re-enter the ring, so he throws himself at Crótalo and they both go over the top rope together! Undersach manages to gain enough of his scrambled sense to see Blackwater on top of Leónes and he begins a count!

1!

2!

3!

DING DING DING

Javier: Your winner, at a time of 14:35, Mark Dutch and Louis Blackwater: D&B!!!!

The crowd is yet again mixed reactions but more cheers than boos as Blackwater hi-tails it out of the ring and Dutch follows as Mil is still down and Rey is outside the ring trying to piece together the chaos.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Zoom Call with Santiago Martínez and More
Returning from the break, we cut to Paisner and Woodbridge in the commentary table.

Paisner: Ladies and gentlemen, we still have a lot of action tonight, but before that, we have Chad Hammocks backstage, ready to make some WiR history with the first interview ever made... via Zoom call.

Woodbridge: I don't even know how Sparky can get away with this! This is simply absurd!

After a few seconds of buffering and uncertainty, we cut to the familiar layout of a Zoom call, with WiR interviewer Chad Hammocks, the Independent Champion, and for no real reason, Sparky's friend from Philly, Bake, and both of the Coffee Boyz, who are also backstage.

Hammocks: Hello, everyone. I'm Chad Hammocks, and this week, just like basically every other week, my guest is none other than Santiago Martínez.

Sparky waves at the camera.

Martínez: Hi there. Is my audio fine or is it still scuffed?

Hammocks: I hear you loud and clear.

Bake: cough-cough Hey, I'm also a guest!

Hammocks: Seriously? Jesus... This time around my special guest has guests of his own!; beloved Internet entertainer EvanBake_ and America's favorite tag team, Alex Silva and Kelly Williams, The Coffee Boyz!

Bake: Beautiful, simply beautiful. claps

Sparky covers his face in shame. He's wearing a Panthers jersey and a pair of earbuds in lieu of his regular headphones.

Silva: Thank you, Chad, but we're just hangers-on in this one!

Williams: We had a little problem with some subscription orders we had to deliver, but we fixed it!

Hammocks: Well, guys, it's always great to hear from you, but we're on a tight schedule, so I'll try to focus on Santiago tonight, is that cool?

Silva: No problem!

Bake: That's fine by me, I was so touched by the introduction you did, that's all a man needs.

Martínez: I don't even know why I thought this was a great idea, Chad, I'm sorry.

Hammocks: It's fine, haha, no need to worry! How are you doing? How's it going in the city? Are you still trying to gain some weight?

Martínez: I'm alright, I'm alright. A lot of stream time this week! I've won two pounds so far with the Twitch diet, I've had nothing but tendies and cold brew for the last two weeks.

Hammocks: That's... great! So, Sparky, I don't wanna waste time, so here it is: Another week went by and another beatdown you got.

Martínez: You couldn't have said it any better...

Hammocks: Last week, not only you had to deal with the impromptu challenge from Joey McCarty, but then you were attacked after it all ended. How are you feeling after what happened?

Martínez: It stinks, to be honest. That's as much as I can say! laughs I have this huge bruise on the back of my knee, it literally looks like a target, it's pretty fucking gross, Chad. Apart from that, I can still walk, I can still fight, and I can still kick some ass, just like I said last week!

Hammocks: That's the part I don't understand, if I'm being honest... If you're fine, what led you to skipping this week's House Party?

Martínez: I'm not skipping it, OK? I'm virtually being a part of it right now! It was a tactical decision, Chad, and believe it or not, it's all because of Canada.

Williams: How come, I thought you were off the no-fly-

Martínez: I'm not on the No Fly List, OK? It's not about the travel, it's about the people. Canada is one of the most dangerous places in the world, folks, it truly is! You have samsquanches, polar bears, Albertans, but worse than all of them, you have the people.

Bake, in the middle of eating a burrito, interjects.

Bake: He does have a point there, Chad. I can confirm.

Martínez: This might be controversial to some, but after all I've been through, you know I'm not lying! Mac Candor? He's from Buffalo, basically a Canadian. Dick Dover, Canadian! Joey McCarty, Canadian! The other Young Cardinals? Canadian!

Silva: Tim Hortons, also Canadian!

Bake: You tell 'em, Coffee Boy!

Martínez: Canadians are extremely dangerous people, that's all I'm saying, so if I don't have a match, there's no reason to expose myself to yet another attack! Consider it social distancing, now that it's so trendy! I know the burden a champion carries is to be always ready to defend what's yours, but, since I haven't finished my segments, I can't reach that conclusion just yet!

Hammocks: I can't comment on that last part, so... Do you feel like people might treat you as a weak champion for doing this?

Martínez: I hope they don't, that's all I can say. I like to keep it cool, Chad, just like a scorpion. I'm from Colombia. If you stay all day looking at the birds in the sky, and in the meantime you leave your papaya unattended, your neighbor Jimmy might swoop in and cut half for himself!

Hammocks, Bake, Silva and Williams, at the same time: Wait, what?

Martínez: Put yourself in an unfavorable position and someone might take advantage of that and hurt you, is that clear enough? People who've seen me before know that I am the type of guy who likes to tackle my problems head-on. All of those guys I mentioned before, I've beaten them all, in a WiR ring, clean as a whistle, EZ effin Clap! But there's one person that's consistently there, and I haven't been able to get rid of him...

Hammocks: That was my next question, so go off...

Martínez: And his name is Andrew García.

Hammocks: You have a storied rivalry with the Dragon himself, going back to almost four years ago, when you defeated him to win your first Independent Championship...

Martínez: We still have some unfinished business, that's a good way to put it.

Hammocks: And then, of course, you both challenged and failed to defeat Teddy Coronado at SSDY 2K18...

Martínez: I challenged, Dragon ran interference for the Tedster.

Hammocks: And you'll face off again for the third time at the end of the month, if I'm correct.

Martínez: Nailed it. Like I said, I'm not the type of guy who runs away from fights. After I'd kicked Joey's ass, Dragon decided to show up and save the day by attacking me while I was trying to get back up. Nice statement he made, sure. And considering he hasn't said anything since, I guess it was my turn to take the initiative. He wants my title? Well, I want revenge. And at The Burden A Champion Carries: Episode Five, It's Fun and It's Live!, that's exactly what I'll get.

Hammocks: Uhhh... about that title...

Bake: Don't you dare to mock it, I came up with that!

Martínez: It's a work in progress, Chad. Just like the circumstances of our match! I like to spice things up, y'know. A regular old singles match is fine and dandy, but that doesn't cut it, I want more! To decide the stipulation, I came up with a super secret plan nobody's heard of and later today, with a special announcement from WiR Management, you'll find out what I'm talking about.

Hammocks: Okay, I wish you'd made the announcement in a different scenario, such as an exclusive interview with a personal friend, but you do you, Sparky!

Williams: Oh, that sounds so cool!

Silva: I'm interested, but if that's the secret plan, then what's the purpose of the Beat The Clock Challenge you were telling us ab-Oh no....

Sparky covers his face once again and slams the desk. While Alex is ashamed and Kelly is stunned, both Bake and Chad just burst into laughter.

Martínez: C'mon dude! You're my friends, but you gotta work on your secret-keeping, OK?

Silva: I'm so sorry, Santi! I feel a bit sleep, I need to take more coffee!

Martínez: Well, that's the announcement, I guess, next week, Beat the Clock Challenge, ya boi Santiago Martínez versus Andrew García: the faster winner gets to pick their stipulation. House Party! Live on Twitch! Folks! Once again, it's going down! Now how do I cut this?

We cut back to Paisner and Woodbridge, who continue to discuss the matter at hand.

Paisner: Well folks, Santiago Martinez and Andrew Garcia have had a long and storied history, and they’ll face off once again with the Independent Championship on the line at our upcoming iPay Per View event on May 24th!

Woodbridge: I’ve been told that’s a drinking holiday, and Pais, I truly appreciate you for booking us here on that day, I really do.

Paisner: Thank you, Mark. In the meantime, to find out what kind of match the indie title will be fought for in, we will have a Beat The Clock Challenge next week, where these two will compete in back-to-back matches against equal competition.

Joey McCarty Speaks to Paisner and Woodbridge
Joey McCarty slides into frame on an office chair.

McCarty: Did somebody say future champ?

Crowd: WOOOOOOOOO!

Woodbridge: Woo?

Paisner: No, nobody said that. Where did you get a headset?

McCarty: Balandran.

Woodbridge: Did the crowd just “woo” Joey McCarty?

McCarty: Anyways, Allen, I couldn’t help but notice there’s a man missing from the announcement.

Paisner: No, I don’t think there-

Man in Crowd: McCarty for Champ!

Crowd: YAAAAAY!

Woodbridge: The hell?

McCarty: You see, despite the deck stacked against me, I still forced Martinez to use my own move, he couldn’t get it done with his own moves!

Woodbridge: I don’t think you have a trademark on rollups..

Crowd Member: You’re the man, Joey!

Woodbridge: He is?

McCarty: Besides, the card order was shuffled at the last second, how was I supposed to prepare for that match? Also I was distracted by Garcia coming out to cost me the match! I deserve a shot at him too!

Paisner: Ignoring how all of that is nonsense, what do you want me to do about it?

McCarty: I think the solution is obvious, you need to put me in the match on May TwoFour.

Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAY!

Woodbridge checks the bottle he’s drinking to confirm that Sleeman isn’t expected to cause auditory hallucinations.

Paisner: I’m not doing that.

McCarty: turning to the crowd Do we want Joey McCarty in the Independent Title Match?

Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Andrew Reilly: PUT HIM IN THE MATCH, DUSTER!

Woodbridge: Wait a sec-

McCarty: GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT, ALLEN!

Paisner: Alright, fine! Here’s what we’ll do. You can join the beat the clock challenge, and if you win, you can make the match a triple threat.

Crowd: YAAAAAAAAY!

McCarty: Thanks, Pais. You won’t regret this!

McCarty puts his headset down, and begins to scoot backwards in his office chair, rolling towards the entrance ramp.

Woodbridge: Joey did you give a shitload of comp tickets to your old hockey teammates?

McCarty: Maybeeeeeeeeee!

Joey trails off as he scoots very slowly up the ramp and into the backstage area.

Paisner: Well, now that…..that is over, lets return to the action! We send it to Javier in the ring!

The Young Cardinals vs. Bok Choy & Mason Saunders
Javier: The following contest is a TAG TEAM MATCH scheduled for one fall with a 30-minute time limit! Refereeing is Mia So Hung! Introducing first…

A whooping Mason Saunders comes out to “Psychobilly Freakout”, prompting a raucous cheer; the cheering only gets louder as “Wakarimasen” begins to play and Bok Choy, already a crowd favorite, stomps to the ring. The loudest cheering of all comes when the two men pose together.

Javier: And their opponents…

The booing already starts before “Young Cardinals” strikes up, but Alpha and Nova get a warmer reception when they come out in person, seeing that the venue’s close to Nova’s hometown and a good Manitoban boy like Alpha will always have friends in Canada as well. However, there is a bit of booing even from the diehards when Babaganoush says…

Javier: They have requested to be announced tonight as the former and soon to be WiR World Tag Team Champions… they are Miles Alpha and Dalidus Nova, THE! YOUNG! CARDINALS!

DING DING DING!

Alpha and Saunders are in at first - Paisner immediately takes note of the fact that they’re the exact same height, but Alpha’s giving up close to 50 pounds in this matchup. The power disparity is evident. They get into it with striking, but Alpha gets the worst of it. Not liking those odds, Alpha puts Saunders down with a rolling legsweep and tries to lock an armbar, but Saunders gets his weight underneath and stands out of it, giving Alpha a knee and a clothesline for his troubles. Alpha shakes it off and lands another takedown, with an inverted arm drag into a modified backbreaker, and then scrambles to put on a lotus lock to cut off the big man’s power base in his back, but Saunders rolls out of it and snaps Alpha to the ground with a Michinoku Driver II with some effort for a nearfall.

Alpha does get out at 2, but thinks better of continuing this matchup, so he tags out. A fresh, raring-to-go Nova comes in - but he doesn’t want Saunders. He bellows for Choy to come in so he can prove he can take down the biggest of boys. Saunders shrugs and tags out, and a fired-up Choy comes in and he and Nova chop the hell out of each other. Nova is soon sent bouncing around the ring by Choy’s strikes and he goes in for a shoulder tackle to put Choy on his ass - but he just kind of bounces off the massive man’s girth. Undeterred, he rolls smoothly to his feet and cartwheels behind Choy to throw on a twisting drop toe hold - but Choy only smiles and brushes it off, too immovable for such a takedown. Nova’s really getting frustrated now and tries to run for the ropes but Choy hits him with a nasty elbow smash to the back for a 2-count! When he gets to his feet Choy grabs him by the throat and swings him way high up into the air for a chokeslam, then prepares to give him the Big Boy Splash while the crowd go wild - but Nova’s still got the wherewithal to get out of the way. Rolling out and getting to his feet, Nova sees Choy get the wind knocked out of him by throwing himself full-force on the bare mat and takes his chance, launching a giant Chekhov’s Gun superkick to the kneeling man’s head!

With Nova continuing to stomp and kick, doing his damnedest to not let Choy back to his feet where he can’t be moved, and with the crowd booing their lungs out, the hotblooded Mason Saunders attempts to charge the ring! Attempting a lariat that Nova ducks under! Mason turns back around after missing Nova, as Nova kicks him in the gut and goes to lift him up for a vertical suplex! But Mason connects with punches to Nova gut’s! Managing to escape, as he then lays into Nova with a knife edge chop! Eliciting a “wooo!” from the crowd! Another chop! Another “woooo!” Another chop! Another “woooo!” Until he backs Nova into the ropes! Saunders then is right about to go whip Nova across the ring when Alpha comes in, and pummels Saunder’s back to stop him in his tracks! Summoning boo’s from the crowd!

Nova takes a second to recover as Alpha pummels Saunders, and upon recovering, the two competitors both go to whip Saunder’s into the ropes! And as Saunders bounces back, Alpha and Nova go for a tandem superkick to him! But Saunders ducks under, and instead of continuing to run the ropes, stops his running, and as the cardinals turn around, Saunders meets Alpha with an uppercut! Then Nova right after with one! Alpha tries to respond with a sloppy haymaker of his own, but Saunders ducks under it, and lifts Alpha into a fireman’s carry! Nova tries to come in, but Saunder’s spins around to Alpha’s legs clip Nova in the head, turning him around, right into a large shadow, as Bok Choy has made it back to his feet, and picks Nova up in a fireman’s! The two wrestler’s exchange a glance and a nod, followed by Bok Choy dropping Nova with a samoan drop to the mat! Laying Nova out perpendicular to Saunder’s, as Saunders then rolls forward for a rolling fireman’s carry! Dropping Alpha right into Nova’s chest!

Crowd: WOOOOOO!

Both cardinals roll out the ring, clutching at their chest, struggling to get air back into their bodies. Saunders and Choy go out to grab Alpha and Nova up respectively, lifting them up, and going to bring them back into the ring, but suddenly, Nova and Alpha both go for Saunder’s and Choy’s eyes! Raking them! Choy and Saunders both holding at their eyes, as Nova and Alpha grab them respectively, and toss them into the ringpost! Choy and Saunder’s heads bouncing off of it! Boos echoing throughout the arena!

Alpha then grabs the dazed Saunders off the ground, and rolls him into the ring, dragging him over to his tag corner, as he begins to stomp a mudhole into Saunder’s chest! Saunder’s quickly sinking down into the corner with stomp after stomp, as Alpha tags in Nova, who procedes to lay in his own series of stomp to Saunder’s! Causing Saunders to sink fully to the ground as the crowd lays down jeers on the cardinals! Nova then grabs Saunder’s, bringing him back up so he’s rested against the bottom turnbuckle, and simultaneously holding him in place and choking him out by pressing his boot against Saunder’s neck! Tagging in Alpha as he does so, who rushes off to the opposite corner, before Nova releases from Saunder’s neck, and Alpha comes rushing back with a bicycle knee to the seated Saunder’s face! Eliciting oohs from the crowd at the impact, as Alpha drags Saunders out the corner for a cover, gets a one, then two, but only that as Saunders kicks out!

But Saunders is forced to stay on the ground, as Alpha quickly goes in to lock a Koji Clutch! Using his legs to choke the life out of Saunders! Saunders struggles in the hold, trying to unwrap Alpha’s legs from his neck, but can’t, and so, makes his way towards the ropes! He crawls towards them slowly, the clutch sapping the energy he needs in order to make it, but eventually, Saunders reaches out, and touches the ropes with his fingertips! Getting cheers from the crowd as the hold is broke…...but not before Alpha gets boos for using all of the 5 count.

Alpha then grabs Saunders, lifting him into a fireman’s carry, then throwing him up to connect with a kick to Saunder’s head on the way down! But Saunders moves his head out the way, Alpha connecting only with air, as Saunders then jumps up before Alpha can stand up, and squashes him with a senton! Driving the air out of Alpha!

We then see Choy make his way to his tag corner, getting the crowd to stomp and clap, as both wrestlers crawl towards their tag corner, and tag their partners in1 Nova rushing into the ring and Choy….going as fast as he can. Nova reaches the corner by when Choy is in the ring, but Choy just presses his weight forward, and bounces Nova off of him! Nova scrambles up to his feet, but gets caught with a big boot from Choy! Nova again scrambles to his feet, this time in a daze and nearly falling back down, giving Choy the opening to goozle Nova by the neck, lift him up, and slam him back down with a ring-shaking chokeslam! Choy going right into the cover, but only getting a 2 count!

Choy then grabs Nova, going to lift him back up, but Nova manages to sneak in a kick to the big man’s knee! Then a full on dropkick to it, forcing Choy down onto a knee, giving Nova leverage to roll Choy into a small package! Getting a 1, then a 2, then a….NO! Choy kicks out to the cheers of the crowd! But the joy does not last long, as Nova gets to his feet, and instantly jumps up to double stomps Choy’s leg! Before using all his leg power to kick Choy out the ring, grabbing the ropes for more leverage to do so! He begins to berate Mia to start a count-out, but doesn’t notice something behind him, Mason Saunders into he ring! Saunders grabbing Nova’s arm in a wrist-lock from behind, spinning him out, and taking his head off with a rainmaker!

But as Nova lays in a heap on the mat, in comes Miles Alpha! Saunders turning around in time to see Alpha, but not in time to avoid a high knee from Alpha to his face! Stunning Saunders, Saunders falling back into the ropes, only help up by their support, as Alpha then sees Nova, and forces him out the ring so he takes the spot as the legal man! Saunders moves away from the ropes a bit, but is still noticeably groggy from the knee, and so, Alpha runs the ropes, comes at Saunders, and leaps up to catch his head for a running DDT! But Saunders musters all his strength! Catching Alpha in mid-air, and despite his struggles, tossing Alpha to the ground with a uranage!

Alpha bounces up off the mat, as Saunders then grabs him, hooks one of his legs, then lifts Alpha up to drop him on his head and neck with his “Oil Well Drop” Fisherman Buster! Keeping the hook for a pin, and the three count!

DING DING DING

Javier: Ladies and Gentlemen, your winners via pinfall at a time of 14:03, Bok Choy, and Mason Saunders!

Crowd: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Saunders takes a moment of laying on the mat in exhaustion, as on the outside, Choy recovers from the shots to his leg, as he gets up, rolls into the ring, and grabs Saunders to lift him up into a friendly bearhug!

Paisner: Saunders and Bok Choy with the upset over Young Cardinals! The Cardinals clearly intend to cash in their re-match for the WiR Tag Titles as stated from their entrances earlier, but now they’ve took a loss to Saunders and Choy! What could this mean for WiR’s tag team division?

Woodbridge: It’s looking like impromptu new blood Allen! And I have to mention, is Saunders secretly a fantastic tag team wrestler? He’s secured wins over two former WiR Tag Team Champions with two different partners! Defeating D&B with Kaitlyn, and now The Young Cardinals with Choy! Choy was also damn great in this match don’t get me wrong, that amount of mass being near damn impossible to move played a pivotal part in victory, but from his results, it seems Saunders has some kind of hidden expertise or maybe just some straight up magic attached to him when it comes to tag team wrestling!

Saunders has a smile on his face...but also a bit of an expression of pain from how tightly Choy is squeezing him before Choy finally lets him go, as Saunders falls back onto his feet. We see Nova crawling on the outside, reaching in to grab Alpha and drag him out of the ring, and supporting him to the back. While our victors head down the aisle together, fans tossing Saunders their beers, other fans tossing Choy their left-over produce. Both reach the top of the entranceway, and drink/chomp down respectively on the items provided to them by the crowd!

Crowd: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The pair then waves to the fans, as they head through the curtain to the back.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Afryca vs. Two Smoking Barrels
We return from break, where we see Javier, mic in hand, ready to make some more announcements.

Javier: The following contest is a TAG TEAM MATCH scheduled for one fall with a 30-minute time limit! Officiating is Harry Undersach!

Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

“Debonaire” plays and out come Hyppo and his strange doppelganger Rhyno! The two men roar in the entranceway and alternate “GORE!” and “CHARGE!” chants. The crowd cheer mildly for Afryca.

Then “Inglorious” comes over the stereo system and out comes King Mustafa in a nice Fendi suit jacket, calling some fans terrible names in British slang. Eddie Skelter’s close behind, practically Gollum-crawling, and he’s wearing a sick Arsenal FC track jacket. Mustafa slides in the ring, Eddie clambers over the ropes and drops in, and everyone boos. Woodbridge notes that these two have shaken off their scuffle from earlier and now are just pissed-off.

DING DING DING

It’s Mustafa and Rhyno in to start - they go for a test of strength. Mustafa handily wins, and mimes unzipping, getting his lad out, and pissing on the dropped Rhyno, earning “FUCKING GROSS, FUCKING GROSS, FUCKING GROSS” chants with the taunt. Still, Mustafa dominates Rhyno, shrugging off his punches and giving him a lariat and a running powerslam for a nearfall. Rhyno fights out and gets on a bearhug - Mustafa thrashes out, though, and lariats the guy again, picking him up for a big exploder suplex and then the Air Raid Assault for a 2.5.

Rhyno has had enough and when he kicks out, fights to the ropes to tag in Hyppo. The fresh, identical man tries the same tactics on Mustafa to not much success either - he just can’t outpower the roidy roadman. After beating Hyppo at his own game by laying him out with a spear, Mustafa doesn’t pin but instead tags in Eddie Skelter. The smaller man falls all over Hyppo like a bucket of wet roofing tacks, elbowing him seemingly at random, driving his knee into Hyppo’s leg, and even just poking him really hard. He starts working on Hyppo’s leg, giving it an outside toehold and then a World of Sport-ish grapevine, seemingly working for the heel hook, but Hyppo fights to the ropes. He gets the break and gets up but Eddie drop toeholds him and hits the deck, trying for some reason to remove Hyppo’s boot, but Undersach mercifully stops that before anyone can find out what he was going to do.

Hyppo limps back to his feet and desperately signals for a Charge, but Eddie stops him short with a rising elbow and then a knee right into the gut. Sweeping his legs down once more, he starts applying an ankle lock to the leg he was working on and signals for Mustafa - the King charges in and hits a nasty running senton to the leg Eddie is torquing! This is Lock and Stock and Hyppo screams in agony - legal man Skelter turns him over and mercifully pins for the win in 7 minutes 1 second.

Maverick Interview
We cut to Chad Hammocks backstage in front of a WiR logo backdrop, Chad being the only one in the frame.

Hammocks: Ladies and Gentlemen, joining me at this time, Maverick.

Big Money Mav walks into the camera shot alongside Hammocks, wearing a dapper suit and with a smug grin on his bearded face. We hear the fans jeer as they watch from the screen.

Crowd: BBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Big Money Maverick: Hold on, hold on, you got it all wrong, Chad. It’s not “Maverick” who’s talking to you today, its…..”BIG MONEY MAVERICK!”

Mav’s grin grows larger.

Big Money Mav: Go ahead, try it again.

Hammocks coughs a bit, not wanting to anger Mav.

Hammocks: .....please welcome at this time….. Big Money Maverick.

Big Money Mav: Damn, Chad! Could you say it with some enthusiasm?! What is this, a library?

Chad starts to look a bit nervous.

Hammocks: Please welcome…..at….at this time…...BIG….MONEY…..MAVERICK!!!

Crowd: BBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Big Money Mav: That’s it! Well done Hammocks!

Crowd: YOU SOLD OUT! YOU SOLD OUT! YOU SOLD OUT!

Mav starts to have an irritated look on his face, as he hears the chants emanating from the venue.

Hammocks: You have a troubled look on your face, Mav….I-I-I mean Big Money Mav.

Mav sneers as he listens to the crowd.

Big Money Mav: Troubled? No. These people have made up their minds, they can boo me, throw trash at me, whatever. It’s when they chant shit like THAT that irritates me.

Mav points in the general direction of the crowd, as their chant continues to grow louder.

Crowd: YOU SOLD OUT! YOU SOLD OUT! YOU SOLD OUT!

Hammocks: It bothers you to hear the fans say that you sold out?

Big Money Mav: Hell yeah it does!

Mav looks irritated as Hammocks tries to nervously make a point.

Hammocks: Well, I mean…..with all due respect…….you attacked your former colleague for a cash bounty…..I think that, well…..I think that can be construed as…..selling out….with all due respect.

Big Money Mav: What? No, I’m not saying I DIDN’T. Yeah, you’re damn straight I sold out, I can admit that! The part that irritates me isn’t WHAT they’re saying, it’s HOW they’re saying it.

Mav puts his arm around Hammocks’ shoulder.

Big Money Mav: Listen to em, Chad. They chant “YOU SOLD OUT! YOU SOLD OUT!” like they’re above that. They chant as if they’re on some sort of moral high ground, and they chastise me for what I did when I know DAMN well that if they were in my shoes, each and every single one of these fans would do a whole lot worse for a whole lot less.

Crowd: BBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Big Money Mav: I know it, whether or not THEY know it yet doesn’t matter. Pretty soon I’ll prove that the people who want to judge me for what I did, are no better themselves. In due time my friends….in due time, i’ll show them all.

Mav takes his arm off of Chad, and pats him on the back before walking off.

Hammocks: Welp….thank you, Big Money Mav. Back to you guys at ringside.

Austin Balandran Celebration
We come back to ringside, as we then hear a song we’ve never heard.

Paisner: Who’s this?

All of a sudden, out walks Balandran and his servant, Bernardo. The crowd boos heavy

Woodbridge: Oh it’s Balandran. Is he going to replace you again, Allen? Cause I kind of enjoyed it.

Paisner: Oh, please, Mark! He wouldn’t even share his food with you last week!

Woodbridge: The asparagus, and apparently it wasn’t that good. He threw it away, remember?

Paisner: Mark.

As Balandran continues to walk toward the ring, we now see a crew of people dressed in all black, holding tube-like objects. As he extends his arms, the crew all at the same time, twist the tubes, shooting confetti out.

Paisner: Oh you’ve got to be kidding me!

Woodbridge: OH HELL YEAH! Celebration time!

Paisner: For a victory two weeks ago…

Woodbridge: Never too late! The Cubs are still celebrating their World Series win from a while back, but you don’t see anyone else complaining?

Paisner: Ugh, Mark. I don’t know what to do with you.

Austin finally makes it to the ring, and Bernardo makes his way to the corner, not facing Balandran. He enters the ring, and two more guys dressed in black, both light up two sparklers, one for each hand for a total of four sparklers. They hold them up behind Balandran, as Austin once again extends his arms in victory

Paisner: For the love of God, this is just ridiculous now.

Woodbridge: Don’t you get it, Paisner? He can have waaaay better effects than this, he just chooses not to, because why waste the money on these people?

Austin grabs a microphone. The crowd is reigning down on him with hate

Crowd: Fuck you Austin! clap clap clapclapclap Fuck you Austin! clap clap clapclapclap

Balandran: YOOOOOOU...ARE WELCOME!

Austin extends his arms, almost like he was embracing the crowd. The crowd boos even louder. He continues.

Balandran: Yes, yes, indeed. I am now offically...UNDEFEATED BAY-BAY!

The crowd boos.

Paisner: We just gonna forget that he lost to Eric Matthews before the hiatus?

Woodbrige: Shut up, Paisner, he’ll buy the company and close it again.

Austin continues.

Balandran: And what better way to celebrate my crowning achievement, than with a celebration party that you will be telling your great-grandchildren for years to come!

Crowd boos again.

Balandran: Yes, all you milkmen, you heroin addicts, you hippie dippie yuppies...you finally have something you can be proud of. For years you all suffered. You didn’t have anything you could hang your hats on. But now you do. You all can now say that you were here...when Austin Balandran declared himself...THE GREATEST OF ALL TIME…

All of a sudden he is cut off and the crowd begins to go wild.

Crowd: YAY!

Paisner: IT’S ROMERO... But where is he...?

Austin, looking at the entrance way, doesn’t notice Romero coming in from behind. Austin turns around and is greeted by a spear.

Woodbridge: SPEAR! SPEAR! SPEAR!

Austin rolls out of the ring. Bernardo goes to recover Balandran, but Austin makes him fetch another microphone. Romero begins to beat his chest and motions for Austin to come back in. Bernardo returns handing the microphone to Balandran, breathing heavily and clutching at his ribs.

Balandran: ...Ah ha...you...fucking...ow...idiot! You...ah...thought you could...oww Bernardo help me.

Bernardo comes and props Austin up.

Baladran: You thought...you could just…waltz in here. I’m...two steps ahead of you.

Balandran pulls out a piece of paper. Romero grabs a microphone and starts to talk.

Romero: Save it, Austin. You think you’re all big and bad, but when big and bad hits you right in the ribs you can’t even breathe. Why don’t we settle this, right here, and right now!

Crowd: YAY!

Paisner: I’d love to see this! Be a man, Austin! Accept the challenge! You coward!

Woodbridge: Look, Bernardo is getting in the ring.

Bernardo enters the ring, and sheepishly hands Romero a piece of paper. Austin continues

Balandran: As you can see…cough after I got into touch with the right people, and went through…...the right procedures, by order of the state...This celebration...is a Private gathering cough.

Crowd boos. Austin continues, finally catching his breath.

Balandran: And as you can see, there’s a list of names. Every single ticket holder, every single member of the WiR locker room and staff...except one name. And that name...is Stephen Romero.

The crowd boos again. Police are starting to make their way to the ring.

Balandran: THEREFORE ROMERO...You’re officially trespassing. And...because you’re an idiot. You’re also going to be charged...with assault and battery. Officers...please do your duty.

One officer enters the ring while the rest of the squad hang out outside of the ring. The cop, talking to Romero, explaining to him why he’s being put under arrest. Over the PA we hear:

Officer: We don’t want to, but we have to, sorry about this.

Stephen Romero, noticing the sheer number of police coming towards the ring, has no choice but to give in. The crowd boos as the officer proceeds to handcuff him

Balandran: Thank you officers. My lawyers will be down there shortly.

Both the officer and Romero begin to exit the ring, Romero exiting under the ropes. He then is escorted out as Balandran finally stands up.

Balandran: And just remember as you’re rotting in that jail cell...That while you may be great...I’m still always going to be Better. Than. You.

Balandran laughs as he drops the microphone. His new music plays as he extends his arms yet again, in absolute victory.

Paisner: I just want to say to anyone close to Stephen Romero, we had no idea about this. I, myself, will be down at the police station after this broadcast to get him out of there.

Woodbridge: As much as I like the guy, this is a new low for Balandran. Absolutely terrible. To be honest, I don’t know what happens after this, but if it were me, I’d be absolutely pissed.

Paisner: Folks, we’ll be right back, I gotta make a phone call.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Ikbal Rizwan vs. Josh Pine
We return from break, where we see Javier yet again, signaling it’s time for more action!

Javier: The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30-minute time limit, and is for the QWF CHAMPIONSHIP! Refereeing is Tai Ni Wong! Introducing first…

“With Any Sort of Certainty” plays out local boy Josh Pine! The Ontario crowd whoop for Pine, which seems to make him more nervous rather than more confident. He is all freaked-out smiles but he does not look happy that a championship match means you have to fight, you know, a champion, i.e. a dangerous and skilled wrestler.

Then “Repent” plays and out comes the QWF champ, Ikbal Rizwan, happy to hear that he has fans in Canada as well and maybe even happier to see an old acquaintance from the QWF days in the ring. Rizwan is wearing his belt all the way to the ring, because Rizwan is never too cool to wear his belt.

DING DING DING

The two lock up and, when Pine bounces out of the collar-and-elbow situation, exchange really clean hammerlock reversals. Pine gets applause when he does the nice trick of feigning the exchange one more time and instead shooting off a couple of leg kicks to the backs of Rizwan’s thighs, although when he attempts a Russian legsweep, Rizwan just counters by doing one in the other direction.

They’re on the ground now and no matter how good Pine is at the technical side of things, he’s certainly no Ikbal Rizwan. Rizwan, although wary of not letting himself get pinned by surprise, is in a playful and instructive mood. The two pass guard a couple times and Rizwan quickly puts on a nice single-arm straitjacket, and it looks as though Pine may have to tap to this improvised submission, but he gets a huge ovation for his escape by throwing himself to one side and doing a breakdancing handstand to get out.

Back on their feet, Rizwan easily forces Pine back with chops and as he hits the ropes, catches him coming off in a vertical suplex lift, then throws him down in an upside-down chokeslam - the Textile Thread Suplex Crash is good for a 2.5, but Pine is not done! His head is spinning, and that has him fired up - at first it leads to the bad idea of battling Rizwan for headlock takedowns, which leads to Pine eating a high-angle snapmare and a knee to the back, but before Rizwan can pin, Pine gets back up and breaks away! Rizwan pursues to the ropes - but he eats a dropkick! The champ is down!

The crowd just totally going nuts for him, and with all of the good ideas seemingly knocked out of him already, Pine unsteadily climbs the ropes - he comes off the top with a weirdly stiff-limbed but totally nasty-looking frog splash that makes it look like he’s used his collarbone to cave Rizwan’s face in! And he hooks both legs!

1!

2!

NO!

The crowd act like this is about the most heartbreaking two count they’ve ever seen, but Rizwan is legitimately delighted despite how his chest feels. When Rizwan kicks out he rolls over right into position to put a cross armbreaker on Pine, and has a friendly chat with him even as Pine struggles and thrashes; pretty quickly Pine’s able to get his foot on the bottom rope, and Rizwan complies with the immediate rope break and helps Pine up himself. They lock up again and Pine seems to attempt to climb all the way up Rizwan’s body to try something - possibly a hurricanrana - but Rizwan stops him by putting on the front facelock and lifting him the short distance into vertical suplex position. Another Textile Thread Suplex Crash puts Pine down and it doesn’t look like he’s getting up, and Rizwan thinks about going for his own version of a frog splash to pay Pine back but “mercifully” just locks on the headscissors and bends Pine’s arm into a kimura, giving him the Koranic Stretch and hence the option to just tap right away. Which he does. Rizwan retains his title over Josh Pine by submission in 8 minutes, 27 seconds, but he raises Pine’s hand, and the crowd loves it.

Two Smoking Barrels Backstage
We cut backstage, where both members of Two Smoking Barrels are sitting, changed from their ring gear to jeans and nice looking shirts. Mustafa is actively shrugging on a jacket as the camera fades in.

Mustafa: Oi, Eddie! I’m gone store and grab some bloody Cinderellas, you want summat?

Skelter: Vera for me, coz I ain’t a milky boy like you seem to be.

Mustafa pauses for a brief second, then bursts out laughing.

Mustafa: You ain’t? You looked in the mirror lately, ya Ricky?

Skelter just shakes his head, as Mustafa goes to the door.

Mustafa: You’re right though - we won, we handled that Oxford, it’s time to get elephants, innit?

Skelter: You’re bloody right, it is.

Mustafa walks out the door, chuckling to himself, as the camera fades to black.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Lightsaber Fightsaber Match
We return from break, cutting to Javier Babaganoush in the ring to present the last match of the evening.

Javier: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following match is a 5-Man Elimination Lightsaber Fightsaber match, and it is your Main Event of the evening! There is NO TIME LIMIT! Your referee is Ivan Itchicock!

Crowd: WOOOOO!!

Lalala (Polyphia Remix) plays, signalling the entrance of Andrew Reese to the venue! Reese walks to the ring while trash talking fans in the crowd. He makes it to ringside and his handed a purple “Lightsaber” from ringside crew.

Woodbridge: Reese given the first kendo sti-

Paisner: LIGHTSABER, Mark. Have some respect. Reese gets the Mace Windu saber, poised to do some damage to the 4 other competitors tonight, who are all armed with their own ke- ahem, Lightsaber, for our May 4th matchup tonight.

Javier: Making his way to the ring, from Denver, Colorado, weighing in at 195 pounds. Andrewww Reeese!!!

The crowd boos him but they are cut off by the music of Hugo Ironblood hits and the crowd cheers for the massive former linebacker!

Javier: From Buffalo, New York, weighing 381 pounds, Huugo Ironblooodd!!!!

The crowd cheers for the brick wall of a man as he high fives fans and has his eyes set on Reese in the ring. He is handed a green Lightsaber and gives it a few test swings while maintaining eye contact with Reese.

Chinese music begins to play as Emmanuel Huang begins to make his way to the match, hyperfocused on the ring and a determined expression on his face. When he is handed a blue Saber his eyes light up and he points it towards the sky as the crowd cheers for him!

Javier: From Tapei, Taiwan, weighing 160 pounds, Emmanuelll Huaang!!!!!

Hard guitar and beating drums reverberate harshly as Marshal Wheeler makes his way into the room, stone-faced and steadfast with his sights set on the ring of competitors. He makes it to ringside and is handed a Red Lightsaber.

Javier: From Houston, Texas, weighing 260 pounds, Marrrshalll Wheeelerrr!

The entrance theme of Mercenaire plays through the arena, the theme building more and more intense as the man himself steps into the arena and all 4 men in the ring turn to look at the last man to enter the match.

Javier: Weighing 220 pounds, from A Dark, Dark Place, Merrcennaaiire!!!!!

Mercenaire slowly stalks towards the ring, a cold, calculated expression on his face as he looks up and down each and every competitor in the ring. He reaches ringside and is handed a red Lightsaber. He inspects the weapon, and the faintest trace of a smile appears on his face. He steps into the ring, carefully picking a spot in an unoccupied corner as he clutches his Lightsaber close to him.

DING DING DING

As the bell is sounded, the competitors stay in their spots, wary of making the first move in such a packed ring, all except for Reese. Who begins to walk over to the other competitors, all set in corners as he first walks over to Ironblood, and extends his hand out to him! Ironblood reciprocates, and handshakes back!

Paisner: Reese with a….surprising show of respect to his fellow competitors. And from the looks on everyone in the ring’s faces, it looks like the men in the ring weren’t expecting this either.

Reese then walks over to Mercenaire, extending the hand to him as well. Merc looks down at Reese with a cold stare, seemingly not eager to shake hands, and so, Reese shrugs his shoulders and walks over to Wheeler. Reese extends his hand out to Wheeler, but Wheeler actively boots Reese’s hand away! Reese looks at Wheeler with a “really bro” look, as he says to him “your loss!” Reese then goes over to his final opponent, Emmanuel Huang, offering a final handshake to Huang. Huang looks at Reese suspiciously, seemingly wary of shaking hands with someone of Reese's character. As Reese just says-

Reese: C'mon dude! I just shook hands with Hugo and didn't do anything to him bro!

Huang then hesitantly extends his hand towards Reese, who then forcefully grabs Huang's hand, and shakes it!

Crowd: WOOOOOOOOOOO!

Paisner: Wow, Reese really seems to have gone through with it, offering a handshake to every one of his competitors! I would’ve never thought!

Reese then turns away from Huang, and waves to a crowd cheering in surprise of his actions…..before jabbing backwards with his purple kendo stick into the stomach of Huang! Driving the point of it right into Huang’s gut!

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Paisner: ….Spoke too soon.

Huang doubles over, clutching at his stomach, as Reese’s sneaky maneuver opens the floodgates! The other three un-harmed competitors coming at him! Hugo’s size works against him, providing a large target for Reese to swing at and clobber with the stick in the stomach! Merc and Wheeler close in on Reese at about the same time, but Reese uses this to his advantage, spinning his kendo stick around to smack Wheeler and Merc across the head! Clipping them enough to stun them and force them to back off! Reese then readies his kendo like a baseball bat, ready for a harder swing to one of them, before he feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns around, and sees a recovered Emmanuel Huang staring him down, before swinging right at him!....and Reese ducking under and rolling right out of the ring!

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Paisner: Reese about to face the consequences of his actions, and instantly seeking to run from them!

Huang rolls out the ring to get after Reese, but Reese runs around ringside fast, before hopping over on top of the announcer’s table! Striking down preemptively with kendo strikes as to ward off Huang approaching him!

Woodbridge: Reese has found the high ground! It’s over for Huang!

Huang indeed is mostly stopped in his tracks, as everytime he tries to approach, Reese hits the ground with a loud thwack to drive Huang back! Reese cockily shouts at Huang to come get him, being so focused on this in fact, he does not notice Merc, Hugo, and Wheeler all beginning to surround him as well.

Paisner: Uhhh….Reese….you might want to pay a bit more attention buddy…

Reese keeps shouting at Huang to come get him, until he begins to hear thwacking on the ground, confused as to where it’s coming from when it’s not him, he turns his head, and sees the 380 pounds Hugo Ironblood, the 260 pound Marshall Wheeler, and the 6’4 Mercenaire all staring him down. Reeses’s cockiness quickly turning to a look of “oh fuck”.

Crowd: YOU FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP!

Reese then has to make a decision, said decision being trying to run back into the ring through the middle of everyone else! Reeses dashes as fast as he can, just barely slipping past the grasps of everyone else in the match, as he slides into the ring! Everyone else quickly follows as Reese runs to the opposite end of the ring, and tries to quickly scale over the ropes, but can’t do it quick enough in his panic, as he’s grabbed by Hugo, Merc, and Wheeler! Hugo keeping the strongest grip on Reese, as he’s the one to whip Reese into the opposite corner! Hugo then goes to rush at Reese in the corner, but suddenly, Huang intercepts him, catching Hugo with an intercepting enziguri, and leaving Hugo stunned on his feet!

Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Huang then goes to whip Hugo into a corner, but with his small stature, can’t do it himself! And so, Merc comes over, and with both their strength, they get Hugo into the corner!......and then Merc promptly ends this brief interaction but kneeing Huang in the gut, then as he’s doubled over, and uppercut to the chin!

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

The uppercut stuns Huang, giving Merc the time to whip Huang into a corner! Merc stares at Huang, seemingly about to charge, before suddenly, Marshall Wheeler tries to come in with a big boot to the side of Merc’s head! But Merc notices at the last moment, ducking under, and as Wheeler turns around, Merc responds with his own boot! Sending Wheeler stumbling into the last empty corner!

Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Merc then looks over at everyone else caught up in a corner, as a lightbulb appears to go off in his mind, as a confident smile forms on his face. Followed by him dropping his kendo stick.

Paisner: Mercenaire planning something here, we know how heavily combo based his offense is, so what he would already do in a one on one match might translate beautifully to multi-man matches!

Merc then eyes down Wheeler across from him, as he charges, and swings in with a running lariat in the corner! Striking Wheeler down hard! But he’s not done yet, as he turns to eye the opposite corner with Ironblood, and charges at him to jump up with a heavy running knee to the cranium! Knocking Ironblood woozy in the corner! And yet, Merc still has more, now eyeing Huang in the adjacent corner, and charging him to rock his brain with a running forearm shot! Dropping the small statured Huang straight to the mat!

Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

But it’s not quite over yet! As Merc then turns around to stare down Reese in the opposite corner, before charging, showing off his athleticism by flipping with a handspring, before launching then directly into a back elbow on Reese!

Crowd: WOAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Paisner: What a display of power and finesse from Mercenaire! My note says this combo is called Quatre, and he adapted it here tonight for use in a multi-man match but not just striking one man with these moves, but all 4 other competitors!

Reese is dazed from the force of the back elbow, as Mercenaire seems to get an idea, as he grabs Reese, and lifts him up to a seated position on the top turnbuckle!

Woodbridge: Mercenaire going all out so far! That combo to all four men, now planning to scale the ropes! Mercenaire living dangerously and I don’t think he’d have it any other way!

Mercenaire then begins to step onto the ropes, but before he can even get a second foot on, Reese manages to lift his purple kendo, and strike it down upon Merc’s shoulder! Merc holds at his arm from it being thwacked, as Reese then lifts his kendo up again, this time at a higher angle to now strike down on Merc’s back! Then another shot to Merc’s back! And another! Forcing Merc onto his hands and knees!

Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Reese then takes a moment to catch his breath sitting on the top rope, before he begins to adjust his legs, and stand up on the top rope instead, raising his kendo stick into the air!

Paisner: Reese with the kendo stick from on high! Lord knows how much damage he could be about to do to Mercenaire with all the extra force from height he’ll gain!

Reese is a bit wobbly on the top rope for a moment, but gains his balance as we notice Merc kneeling up! Reese then brings his kendo all the way above his head, prepared to strike! Before unexpectedly, Hugo Ironblood comes into the fold! Without even stepping onto the ropes, he reaches his arms up, and goozles the neck of Reese!

Paisner: Hugo! With a grasp on Reese!....oh go could he be about to do what it looks like?

Reese panics, trying to strike down with his stick to knock Hugo off, but Hugo swivels his head to just barely dodge the shots, before lifting his other arm onto Reese’s back, and lifting him up to slam him down from the top rope with an avalanche chokeslam! Reese bouncing off the mat from the impact, then going limp!

Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Paisner: AVALANCHE CHOKESLAM! BY GOD HUGO COULD’VE VERY WELL TRIGGERED ONE WITH THE FORCE OF THAT! THE UNLIMITED POWER OF THIS MAN!

Hugo then grabs Reese’s limp body, whips what’s left of Reese into the ropes, and as Reese comes back, Hugo lifts Reese up for a spinebuster, but instead of dropping Reese to the mat, he drops him onto his knee! Breaking Reese in half!

Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Paisner: The Stratofortress! By god what destruction from Ironblood! Are we about to have our first elimination? The cover!

1!

2!

3!

Javier: ANDREW REESE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!

Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! / HUGO! HUGO! HUGO!

Paisner: A beautifully devastating backbreaker from Ironblood! This was the first time we’ve seen him get a pin off it and it won’t be the last I’m sure!

Hugo smiles big and raises his fist in celebration of the elimination, as he then hears some shouting behind him, Hugo turns around, and sees Emmanuel Huang in all his 5 foot 3 inchesness, kendo stick dropped, calling for Hugo to face him!

Paisner: Huang issuing the challenge to Ironblood! We’ve heard stories of Huang using his discipline and body control to be able to take on people many times his size! And those stories better be true because this is nearly a foot and an over 200 pound difference!

Hugo obliges, as he comes at Huang, trying to just mow Huang over with his weight, but Huang easily moves out the way! Hugo turns around again, but does so straight into Huang shooting a kick into his upper thigh! Then another kick to the thigh! And another! Then Huang jumps up in twirls around for a spinning back kick to the chest of Hugo!

Crowd: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!

Woodbridge: Emmanuel Huang TAKING IT to the biggest of boys and Hugo Ironblood can’t do shit about it!

Hugo fires back with a forearm that sends Huang into a backflip - Huang rebounds with a handspring and lands a flying backfist that seems to dry out Hugo’s mouth completely with the spit it knocks away! Marshall Wheeler and Mercenaire have come to, and look on in shock, but still ready their weapons, and in this opportune moment Mercenaire charges in and whacks Hugo square in the back with his kendo stick! As Hugo turns around Huang BLASTS him with a jumping uppercut - then hands onto his head in midair and applies a front facelock, falling back into a DDT just as Mercenaire lunges in low, giving a nice kendo stick shot to the back of Hugo’s knees! The big man falls hard!

Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Paisner: Mercenaire and Huang coming together for a moment! Chopping the big man down!

Hugo is laid out on the mat, clutching at his knees from the kendo stick shot, as Merc and Huang now eye each other down. Merc raising his kendo stick up ready to go, as Huang gets his guard up without his kendo stick. The two men circle each other for a moment, both hesitating to make the first move, before we see something, Mercenaire taking his eyes of Huang, and seeing Wheeler right behind Huang. Wheeler’s kendo stick raised up, the two men nod to each other without Huang’s awareness, as they both charge in! Huang going to toss a kick up at Mercenaire, but being stopped in his tracks, as he feels one kendo stick thwack into his chest, and the other thwack into his back! Huang instantly crumpling to the ground, tensing up his whole body in pain!

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Woodbridge: Wheeler from behind to Huang, he and Mercenaire pulling a sneaky move on him!

Merc and Wheeler look at each once more, and decide to keep working together, as they both continue to strike down on Huang with kendo stick shots! Connecting with hard shots to the side of Huang’s body! Huang trying to guard himself, but can only protect so match as Merc and Wheeler connect time and time again to the side of Huang’s chest! Welts beginning to form on Huang’s body!

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Wheeler then grabs Huang, getting a handful of hair as he does so, Ivan looking unhappy at anything but not being able to enforce anything in a no DQ match. Wheeler tosses Huang into the corner, as he presses his red kendo stick against Huang’s neck to both choke him and keep him in place, as Wheeler then signals over to Mercenaire, who comes charging in, and rocks Huang’s head with a big boot in the corner! Wheeler releasing the kendo stick, as Huang falls limply to the mat!

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOO!

Paisner: Wheeler and Mercenaire making a vicious pairing! Tearing Huang apart!

Mercenaire then leans down, grabbing the limp Huang up from behind by his hair, and holding him in place! Wheeler then backs up, as he then rushes Huang, and goes to spin around for a spinning back elbow! But he fails to notice something, Hugo having gotten to his feet, as he rushes at Wheeler from the side, and shoulder blocks him to oblivion before he can connect with Huang! Sending Wheeler across the ring!

Crowd: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Merc drops Huang as Hugo comes into the scene, and goes to strike Hugo with a quick forearm! But Hugo has his green kendo stick on him, and swings it down on Mercenaire! Cracking Merc in his chest! Doubling him over! Hugo then turns his head and sees Wheeler scrambling up to his feet, as he swings his green stick again, and goes to crack Wheeler as well! Striking him in the stomach and doubling him over as well!

Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Woodbridge: Strike Hugo down and he’ll become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!

Wheeler then lets out a roar of determination, as he drops his stick, and goes to run the ropes, and strike down both Merc and Wheeler with a double lariat! However, Merc and Wheeler manage to recover, and both jump up to clock Hugo in the head with double high knees! Stunning Hugo!

Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Hugo nearly falls off balance, as Wheeler and Mercenaire both move in! Striking Hugo with alternating elbows! Backing him into the ropes! Wheeler and Merc then both look at each other, nod, as they both run to the opposite side of the ring to bounce off the ropes! Looking to comeback with a double lariat to Hugo to send him over the ropes! But at the last moment, Hugo manages to respond, pushing Wheeler and Merc away! Wheeler and Merc forced to the ground!

Crowd: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Wheeler and Merc scramble to their feet, as Hugo uses a brief moment to shake off the cobwebs, before going to rush at Wheeler and Merc! But as the two get up, they sidestep Hugo’s attempt to double shoulder block them! And as Hugo turns around, they both use the moment to pick up their red kendo sticks, and both thwack Hugo on the head with it! Completely stunning Hugo, as Wheeler quickly twirls to rock Hugo with a spinning back elbow! The strike connecting to the side of Hugo’s head! Turning Hugo around, as he drops onto his front like the world’s largest sack of potatoes to the ground!

Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Paisner: Hugo trying to overpower both these men with his sheer size and resilience but the tag teaming from Wheeler and Mercenaire getting to him! What destruction from those two men!

Wheeler then instantly drops to the ground, mounting the downwards facing Hugo, and clutching his neck in a rear naked choke as he rolls around to get onto his back, Hugo now facing up, as Wheeler body scissors Hugo to hook the choke in as tightly as possible! Mercenaire does his part by stepping on Hugo’s chest to hold him in place and hooking Hugo’s legs with the red kendo stick to stop him from struggling out!

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! FUCK YOU GUYS! FUCK YOU GUYS! FUCK YOU GUYS!

Ivan, seeing no movement from Hugo, goes to grab Hugo’s arm, and it drops once!

Paisner: Wheeler locking in his Lifeblood rear naked choke! And it’s looking completely lights out for Hugo!

Ivan then grabs Hugo’s arm again, and it falls for a second time!

Crowd: HU-GO! HU-GO! HU-GO! HU-GO!

Ivan then grabs Hugo’s arm again and it…...falls for a final time.

Javier: HUGO IRONBLOOD HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Paisner: Mercenaire and Wheeler teaming to pass Hugo out! And this cannnot bode well for Huang with Wheeler and Mercenaire pairing together, and this well!

Ringside staff takes Hugo out the ring - he comes to and waves them off, prompting a small cheer as he stumbles unaided to the back! As we notice back in the ring, Huang beginning to try and crawl back to his feet!.....which Wheeler and Merc go to instantly snuff out by stomping repeatedly on Huang’s back!

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Wheeler and Merc stomp down on Huang until they see him stop moving, where then they proceed to lift him up, and whip him into a corner! The two approach Huang, as the two men alternate uppercuts on Huang! Sinking Huang down in the corner, until they bring him back up, and continue to just lay in uppercut after uppercut to the chin of Huang!

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Paisner: The aggression from these two men! Huang is gonna need a damn miracle to survive!

The two men then bring Huang back up in the corner, as they both go off to the opposite corner! Mercenaire charging in first, as he nails Huang in the face with a running forearm!

Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Wheeler then charges in on his own, clobbering Huang with a corner lariat! Sinking Huang down again!

Crowd: OHHHHHHH!

Wheeler picks Huang back up, setting up Mercenaire who’s going back off to the opposite corner once more! Merc then charges at Huang, Wheeler going to the corner himself as Merc leaves it, but suddenly, as Merc comes in to Huang, Huang gets his feet up and Merc runs right into them!

Crowd: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Paisner: Huang! With some fight left in him still!

Merc stumbles back holding at his face, as Wheeler sees this, and rushes in himself! Trying this time to catch Huang with a back elbow, but Huang gets out the corner, and Wheeler hits his back on the turnbuckles! The situation quickly does not improve for Wheeler, as Huang grabs the ropes, and uses them to give him momentum to jump up, and catch Wheeler in the side of the head with an enziguri!

Crowd: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Wheeler is stunned in the corner, slumping after the impact of the kick to his head, as Mercenaire recovers from running into Huang’s boots, picks up his red kendo stick, and comes to swing it at Huang! But Huang notices just in time, and abuses his small stature to easily duck under! And while Mercenaire is turned away from him, Huang grabs his blue kendo stick, and when Merc does turn around, Huang swings for the fences, clobbering Merc in the stomach, doubling him over, before striking onto his back, and knocking him to the ground!

Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Paisner: Huang with the blue lightsaber! He hadn’t seemed to be eager to use a weapon like that, but he clearly knows how, and put a man into a corner like the one he’s in and they will scratch and claw their way out!

Huang then notices Wheeler still stunned in the corner, and seems to get an idea, as he rushes off to the opposite corner! Huang runs across the ring, then when he’s about two thirds fo the way to Wheeler, he sets his Kendo stick on the ground, and uses it as a makeshift pole vault in order to send himself flying at Wheeler with a destructive corner dropkick to the face!

Crowd: WOOOOOOOOOOAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Woodbridge: WOAH! Huang using the kendo stick in innovative ways! Taking Wheeler out!

Wheeler stumbles out of the corner, before falling right on his face on the ground! Huang then takes Wheeler’s head, and places it against the ropes, backing up to prepare for his next move! But before he can, Huang sees out the corner of his eye Mercenaire back to his feet, and charging right at him with a big boot! But Huang dodges! Mercenaire turns around to meet Huang after he misses the boot, but Huang with surprising strength, scoops Mercenaire up! Holding him in position seemingly for a michinoku driver, but instead drops him at a very high angle for a scoop brainbuster instead!

Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Paisner: Pole Star from Huang! Driving Merc’s head horribly into the mat!

Woodbridge: And one thing we have to remember, Huang while small has crazy good physique, there’s a ton of core muscle packed in there!

Merc is neutralized as a threat, as Huang turns his attention back to Wheeler, still stunned against the ropes, and rushes at him, drops down, and connects with a sliding elbow to Wheeler’s head! Wheeler’s head being simulataneously smashed by a stiff elbow strike, and whiplashed against the ropes, as he drops completely limp!

Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Paisner: SEEDIQ BALE! What a shot from Huang! Huang pushes Wheeler away from the ropes and goes into the cover!

1!

2!

3!

Javier: MARSHAL WHEELER HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!

Crowd: YEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Paisner: EMMANUEL HUANG! WHAT RESILIENCE AND FIRE FROM THAT MAN! MANAGING TO ESCAPE THE DOUBLE TEAM FROM WHEELER AND MERCENAIRE, AND NOW IT’S ONE ON ONE WITH MERC, AND HUANG IS LOOKING GOOD!

Huang stands up, looking out to the cheering crowd with a look of determination and intensity in his eyes, before eyeing down Mercenaire, who’s just begging to show signs of life after being dropped on his head. Huang awaits Mercenaire, signaling for him to get to his feet! Merc eventually finds his way up, as then, Huang jumps up onto him! Grabbing Mercenaire’s neck, and wrapping himself around Mercenaire for a hanging guillotine choke!

Crowd: WOOOOOOOOO!

Paisner: The guillotine from Huang! Turning himself from a Taiwanese man into a frenchman! Mercenaire could very well pass out here!

Huang wrenches back on the choke! Cutting off Merc’s oxygen supply, as Merc aimlessly tries to clobber Huang off him, but isn’t able to get enough force into his strikes! Soon after, Merc falls down to a knee for a moment! Seemingly beginning to lose his ability to function, but forces himself back onto his feet again, just for him to drop right back down to a knee!

Paisner: Mercenaire struggling here to try and stay alive! But that choke is deadly! Even someone in the great conditioning Mercenaire needs for his combos and occasional flying, there’s only so long you can last!

Mercenaire continues to struggle around in the hold, but continues to drop more, as he has to place a hand on the ground to stop himself from sinking further down! Mercenaire then uses his hand placed on the ground to try and push himself up! Managing to stand himself up slowly, and get up off his knee! Merc eventually finds himself back on his feet, and with what energy he has, manages to hook Huang’s head himself, hooking his leg as well, then using his strength to yank the light Huang off of him! Huang sent into the air, but Mercenaire not done yet, as he catches Huang with a knee to the face on his way down!

Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Woodbridge: OH FUCK! Merc managing to escape, and doing it in brutal fashion! His other line of work is also risky as hell, so he’s almost certainly been in a lot of fights to develop the strength to do things like that in order to receive the biggest check he can!

Huang writes on the mat, holding at his face, as Mercenaire takes the moment to catch his breath, and begins to signal for Huang to make his way up! Huang goes to push himself up, falling the first few times after being knocked woozy from the knee, but eventually getting himself to his feet, albeit barely able to keep his balance, as Merc then comes in to strike with a spinning backfist with his right hand to the face of Huang!

Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Merc isn’t done, as he quickly follows up with a kick to to Huang’s gut with his left leg, doubling Huang over, before lifting his right leg to connect with a knee to Huang’s face! Knocking him to the ground!

Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Paisner: Remise! Mercenaire with a destructive combo on Huang!

Merc, seeing the results of his actions with Huang laid out, goes over to the ropes, and begins to scale them! Facing away from the ring to the outside, he reaches the top turnbuckle, and jumps off with a gorgeous looking moonsault! But Huang begins to roll out the way! Mercenaire notices at the last moment it seems, and manages to over-rotate to land on his feet on the mat!

Crowd: WOOOOOAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Paisner: Merc nearly finishing with Atterrisage Lunaire! But Huang out the way, if Merc didn’t notice that in mid-air he could’’ve landed flat on his face, and it could’ve been over!

Huang scrambles to his feet while Merc finds his balance on them, resulting in the two getting into a neutral state at around the same time, where Merc makes the first move by rushing at Huang with a running elbow! But Huang leg sweeps Merc! Falling Merc to the ground, where Huang then flips over on top of Merc for a jacknife pin!

1!

2!

3!

No! Merc out at 2.9!

Crowd: WOAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

The two then scramble to their feet as fast as they can, Huang getting up slightly faster, as he tosses up a roundhouse at Merc! But Merc dodges! And as Huang’s momentum from the follow-through spins him back around, Merc connects with a kick to Huang’s right leg! Forcing Huang back as Merc uses the opening to come in with his left hand, and a hook to Huang’s chest! Then followed with his right arm, and a forearm shot to Huang’s head! Followed by another leg kick, this one to the left leg, then a right handed uppercut to the chin, before Mercenaire jumps up, spins around, and connects to Huang’s head with a spinning roundhouse kick! Knocking Huang cold to the mat!

Crowd: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Paisner: Allez Mort! Mercenaire connecting with a hell of a combo, and laying Huang out dead on the mat! Merc goes into the cover!

1!

2!

3!

DING DING DING

Javier: Ladies and gentlemen! Your winner, at a time of 21:17, MER-CEN-AIRE!

Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Mercenaire is unable to instantly celebrate, just rolling himself off of Huang in exhaustion, breathing heavy, sweat dripping all over him!

Paisner: And Mercenaire! Taking our first over Lightsaber Fightsaber match, outlasting 3 other young, hungry competitors, and one veteran of the ring! By god what destruction!

Woodbridge: Incredible performance, especially from our final two men! Huang managed to outlast Merc and Wheeler ganging up to take everyone else out with incredible fighting spirit, while when the time came to do it himself, Mercenaire proved more than capable! What a match, and what a bright future in this ring for all these competitors!

Jeers rain down, as Mercenaire grabs the ropes, and pulls himself up by them. He looks down at the laid out Huang, ringside crew rushing into the ring to check on him, and gives nothing but a self-satisfied laugh, as he rolls out the ring, and makes his way to the back, paying no mind to the jeers tossed his way.

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Tyler Dylan in Paisner's Office
It’s after the credits roll, and we’re back in Paisner’s office post-show. The man himself rubs his temples at his desk.

Tyler: PAISNER!

Tyler Dylan bursts in at this very moment and Allen Paisner looks up at him, expression flat but eyes angry.

Paisner: I’ve had a hell of an evening thus far, Tyler, and I’m gonna be pissed if this isn’t worth my time. So be quick.

Tyler: Where’s my rematch, huh?

Paisner: Excuse me? With Rizwan? You got your shot and pissed it away in a double countout.

Tyler: But I woulda won! That sneaky Oriental tripped me!

Paisner: But you didn’t. And you wouldn’t have won the title anyway on a -

Tyler: So who’s the number 1 contender if not me, huh?

Paisner: Well… that spot’s vacant at this time. I’m not making you the for-sure first in line, but the match didn’t have a conclusive finish. So I’ll tell you what. You can have your rematch, but if you fail to win the title - yeah, even if you win by countout, even if it’s a draw - you’ll just prove you’ll never be able to finish Rizwan and you won’t get any more shots at this belt.

Tyler: Fuck yeah, I’m gonna -

Paisner: Just tentatively - how’s next week sound?

Tyler: N...n...next week? But that’s not nearly enough time to get a patriotic security detail to protect me from the terrorists he’ll send after me! I can’t fight next -

Paisner: Then we’ll talk about an alternate date, otherwise you’ll never get ANY title shot in this company again. Get out of my office.

Tyler walks out, as we then cut back to the locker rooms.

King Mustafa in the Locker Room
King Mustafa is walking to the door, a veritable stash of liquor in his arms.

Mustafa: ‘Ey, Eddie! Open the fookin’ door!

He pauses for a moment, but there’s no answer

Mustafa: Bloody asshole.

Mustafa gingerly sets one of his loaded bags down, before opening the door. He gasps in shock, and the camera follows him as he rushes inside to check on his partner. Eddie Skelter seems to have come down with a severe case of “bludgeoned with a steel pipe,” as all the symptoms are there - Unconsciousness, blood pooled around your body, and the twisted metal remains of what once was a steel pipe left on his half-breathing chest.

Mustafa: Fuck fuck fuck - Eddie? Eddie!

Mustafa tries to shake Skelter awake, and fails, before pulling his phone out and starting to dial a number as we fade to black.